Sunday, April 29, 2012
I love that birthdays are a marker of time; a day to contemplate God's faithfulness over the past 12 months. To look at the questions I started with last year and that now have answers. To see the questions I stressed out about a year ago that are now irrelevant because God took me down a different path than I could see at that time.
Life certainly has a way of turning out differently than what we think of or plan. Ten years ago I would have thought that I would be contentedly settled as a stay at home mom of at least 2-3 kids by the time I was 30.
Life looks different. Dave and I often feel that we are steps behind out peers. Most of our friends have a house or kids; a lot of them have both. Dave is just now getting ready to be done with school at 35; and I at 30 am just getting to the point where a full time job might be a reality. We are older than a lot of our friends who are having babies (I have known 13 women who were expecting children in a 6 month time frame; there is something in the water here)! We greatly desire children. But our school/work status deems it to be just not the right time. We want to be wise and for us that means being debt free before we welcome kids so that I can stay home with them (something hard to achieve when one person is in school and the other can't find full time employment). So for us, that means that babies are at least a couple of years out. I confess that often that's hard for me. I start playing the comparison game and whining to God: Why couldn't we be where we are "supposed" to be? We aren't even at the starting out point! So many of our peers are way ahead--it feels unfair!
Those thoughts betray such a distrust in the goodness of my God. At moments (and there are many) when they rear their ugly head I have to remind myself that this is our story, chosen for us by an all knowing, all powerful, faithful God who loves the mess out of us.
I pinned a quote on Pinterest a few weeks back that said, "The reason that we struggle with our insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else's highlight reel." So true. It's easy to look at the Facebook page of someone else and see only the things we want, and not all that's there.
The bottom line is that God can be trusted. He is writing my story, and it's a good one. So here's to a new year, and starting it out with all my questions, anxious to see what God does. It's going to be a good chapter.