|That was easy|
Here is the google definition of panic:
(#2 cracks me up by the way...)
That first definition is a perfect description of how I react to things
some most of the time. I am a control freak, and when something happens that is outside of my hands it evokes fear in me. Which defies logic because I know, I know, that God is in control of my life and everything in it. There is nothing that happens to me that doesn't get Ok'd by him, and there is no circumstance I will face that He can't redeem and weave into a really beautiful story. Beyond that, I am certainly not God and do not possess his skill at handling things. So why do I get scared when unexpected or stressful things happen? Why do I worry that he is all of a sudden not going to show up and provide? It defies logic and the truth that I know, yet still, I let fear overwhelm me.
And then, that fear leads to that "wildly unthinking behavior" part of the definition above. Fear spurs me to action. I am a woman of action, always doing. And I think that it's becoming a hindrance, because instead of sitting and trusting, I immediately start doing, which is essentially my way of trying to control things and be prepared in case God doesn't come through.
I don't think God is Ok with it, and it certainly does nothing but create stress for me. The question is, how do I stop it? I pray during those moments of panic and crazy frenzied action. I talk to God through the whole thing, but still, my heart and my spirit isn't calm. I wonder what I'm missing. If maybe I need to take a few minutes and sit in prayer and not act or even think of acting yet. Or if my freak outs are Ok as long as they spur me to Jesus?
Oh, I'm such a Peter! How did he teach himself to stop his urge to panic? Or did he? I guess my action isn't a sin, but the mistrust behind it is. Why is it so hard for us to trust God sometimes? I love what Psalm 37 says "Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and feed on His faithfulness."
Feed on His faithfulness.
I need to let those moments of panic make me more of aware of God's faithfulness to me. He always gets me out of those crazy fearful moments. He always provides a way. His ways are loving and faithful. And He is so wild about me, how would he not make good out of any situation I face?
I hope He continues to teach me to trust, for my moments of panic to become moments of sprinting to Him for protection and provision. Running to Him is the only action plan I need! I love that He is stirring in my heart to teach me that.
Trusting is hard, despite everything I know about God and all that He has proven to me. And I think that I've come to the realization that no matter how old I get or how spiritually mature I become, that difficulty of trust will never completely go away. And maybe that's on purpose. I think that if I so easily trusted him that I wouldn't feel the need to be so pressed into him--that I would become cavalier about my relationship with Him and over time He would reduce in size and just become an easy Staples button, instead of a God I cling to in desperation and realize anew just how big He is.
Fear is an invitation; will I trust Him, or will I not? I guess in that respect it's not a matter of is He trustworthy, but rather, will he be now? God is unchanging; the same yesterday, today, and forever. May that knowledge help me trust Him today, in whatever today brings. He is faithful.