Monday, June 24, 2013

Most Annoying Facebook Statuses: My Top 7

We live in a social media world, where relationships aren’t “official” until they’re posted on facebook and we all (if we are honest enough to admit it) have edited a facebook status update 10 times to make it just witty enough.


As fun as FB can be, it is downright annoying sometimes.  And by FB, I mean the people on it.  Here is my list of the top 7 facebook posts that irritate the mess out of me.


1.  The “Junior threw up twice last night and I only got 4 hours of sleep!! Being a mother is the hardest job ever!” status.


Okay, motherhood is hard.  Vomit, body fluids, lack of sleep, taking an hour to get ready to go somewhere...we get it.  But please remember that “martyr” and “mother” are not synonymous.  Your job is hard, but not the hardest.  Men and women overseas fighting for our freedom away from their families have it harder than you. Missionaries risking their very lives to tell people about Jesus have it harder than you. School janitors that clean up puke and other mess on a daily basis have it harder than you.  

A complaint here or there is fine and normal. But oh geez, the women who complain all the ever lovin' time! With all the love I can say, get over yourself. Some people will never get to experience waking up with a sick child because they can’t have children, or aren’t married yet, or whatever, and your whining about being inconvenienced by this blessing God gave you makes some people want to smack you.  And if staying home with your baby and toddler are so hard that all you do is complain about it day in and day out via social media, go get a job, and take your kids to childcare.  


2.  The “life is so hard and all i want is to be valued for who iam not what i say and even though ive never held a job or done anything meaningful with my life i am full of emotion and your trying to help me be giving me advice makes me sad inside and i am a beautiful soul waiting for wind” comment.


This is the one often made by someone under the age of 21.  You read it three times before you understand it because it’s a run on sentence and evidently punctuation isn’t something we teach anymore.  Approximately nine words in this post will be misspelled.  (side note: Before my kids can have any social media account, Dave and I are going to give them a test to make sure they know the difference between “your”, and “you’re”.  It is not that hard).


Once you decipher the post and actually can make sense of it grammatically, you will then have to weed out the drama behind it.  Eventually (and by that I mean, “After the third post of this type, which more than likely will occur less than 36 minutes after the first"), you will hide this person from your feed because you just can’t take the drama and do not have the time while perusing FB at work to deal with their paragraph long nonsense.


3.  The  “I’m a Republican and the president is a Democrat and additionally, he is really satan incarnate and really, if everyone voted like I did, there would be no sin in the world.” status.


**Now, hear me say, I have many friends who are Republicans who I respect greatly, and I am not a Democrat.  So don’t read this as I am just an anti-Republican person.**


First of all, I hate when people complain about anything and do nothing to stop it.  If you think that America’s moral situation is in dire need, then get out there and do something.  Thinking that the way you vote is going to change the world is seriously naive.  Go do the thing.


Second, GOP agenda and the gospel are not the same thing.  Have your political beliefs and be passionate about them, but you better realize the difference between policy and agenda, and American life and what the Bible actually teaches.  Stop hating on the poor and how they steal your money and cheat the welfare system, yada, yada, yada.  “You have dishonored the poor man!” James said.  “Yes, but he chose to be uneducated and poor just like I chose before conception to be born into suburbia with parents who thought college was important and even paid for me to go!  Look what I did!”  (‘cause really, that is the very message you are conveying).


There is nothing wrong with being wealthy or educated.  There is a lot wrong with making a distinction in value between yourself and someone else because they are poor or aren’t as smart as you.


4.  Similarly, the “Congress has passed X law and it is against God’s will therefore the world is going to end and things are so bad; I studied the book of Revelation for a year and this is it!!  The Anti-Christ is near!” type of post.


For the love, people.


The world has been ending since it began.  Your fanatical “Go build a bunker and cling to your Bible lest the demon zombies devour your children” type of hysteria is unnecessary.  The early church thought that things were so bad that the second coming must be near.  Things are crappy because we live in a fallen world full of sin, not because of a certain political climate.  Read your Bible, do what it says, and stop freaking out.  Fear is a sin, you know.  God needs us to change the world, not hide from it.


5.  The “baby im so in luv with u cant belive its been a month since you and i ur lluv makes me a better person an i can do anything with u i guess what they say is tru that you shuld never give up hope” post.


Seriously girls, if your guy can’t put together a coherent sentence when he’s sober, you need to wake up and get a clue.  And if this is something he posted on some other girl’s wall last year, well, girls, don’t be whining when he cheats on you or that eternal flame of love dies out.  For real, don’t be stupid.  It is offensive to our gender.


6.  The “Well I didn’t see that one coming” or “Just had the best thing happen!” or “Cannot believe the news I just got” post.


I call this the worm post because really, this is bait.  It is written by someone who is more than likely filled with self loathing and who needs validation like an addict needs a fix.   This person thinks that they are giving off a cool vibe when really, (and I’m being honest here), they are completely sad. Don’t fish for inquiries or compliments people.  For the love, tell us what it is or don’t say anything at all.  No one likes a vague facebook post.


7.  The “Repost this or it means you don’t love Jesus” type of post.  

Really? Reposting something on facebook is not a measure of my love for Jesus, America, freedom, or how much I want cancer destroyed.  I mean really, don’t count on facebook for salvation or evangelism.  That is just ridiculous. These types of posts are more than likely dreamed up by someone who is in elementary school or who has a psychological problem.

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