Tuesday, October 15, 2013

20 things every 30 something female should have

So, lists such as this one have been popping up all over the place recently.  Have you seen these?  I gotta say, for the most part, I think they are ridiculous.  Who wrote this?  Carrie Bradshaw? Lauren Conrad?  I realize it's totally subjective but I was thinking that if any joker can write a list of essentials for girls in their thirties, I can too.  Notice on my list that I title it things you should have and not own.  Because really girls, as useful as it is to have spanx and the appropriate nail care routine, let's talk about real life, shall we?  Yes, we shall.

20 things every 30 something female should have:

1.  An age appropriate wardrobe.

There are few things more class-less to me than a 30+ woman who still dresses like she is 18.  Short shorts, tight leather skirts, generally anything that could also be used as part of a hooker costume for Halloween, does not need to be part of your wardrobe.  You don't have to look like a granny or a Baptist preacher's wife, but have some taste.  If your closet if full of things you either A-have had since college, B-bought at Forever 21, or C-your teenage daughter or niece have asked to borrow, there is a problem.

2.  Self control on social media.
I am appalled by what some grown women put on Facebook and Twitter.  Just because it's not to someone's face doesn't mean you should be saying it.  Beyond just being mean, are you whining all the time?  Scroll through the last couple weeks of your updates or tweets and honestly evaluate what is there.  Stop being a negative nancy or a debbie downer.  And get off social media.  You are not twelve.  You are an adult.  Chances are most of us are addicted to it.  Is that what kind of adult you want to be?  Really?  Get off facebook!

3.  A workout routine that involves lifting weights.
You need to be working out.

Walking is not working out. (unless you are 8 months pregnant or have sustained a serious injury).

I cannot stress enough how important lifting weights in.  This is what revs your metabolism and tones you ladies!  And no, unless you lift heavy weight 2 hours a day and eat nothing but chicken and egg white omelets, you are not going to bulk up.  You see those girls that run all the time for exercise and how they are skinny, buy skinny flabby with no muscle tone?  Yeah, don't be her. Lifting weights is what got me from this:

to this:  (hard to tell cause these were the only pics I had online, but that's a thirty pound difference you're seeing)

4.  A savings account.
You should be wise with your money at this point in life and have a savings/emergency fund.  You never know when you're going to need major repairs on a car or end up in the ER with a concussion or have to fly out of the country all of a sudden (my Dad always said this is why it's important to have a credit card and a passport-ha!).  Have some money set aside for something other than shopping.

5.  A friend(s) you can call in a crisis.
I'm talking hard core, you could need a ride/money/prayer/a listening ear/whatever and they are there. Providing real wisdom and sense and encouragement and knowing when you don't need that but just someone to hear you vent.  The type of friend who comes to your house at 11 pm when the same jerk who just broke her heart a month ago just broke yours and she puts herself aside and comes because you need her.  You NEED this person.  More than you know.  If you have more than one, kudos.  (Also, be this type of friend to at least one person)

6.  A handful of fall back real recipes
More than a baked potato or frozen pizza.  I mean a real meal that involves real food that you could make for your boyfriend/grandma/friend in need, etc.

7.  Good grammar.
If your able to read this sentence and its easy for you to read then their might be a problem with you're grammar that your unable to recognize.  Do you want people to think your 13 and ignorant for the rest of you're life?  Learn the difference between your and you're and there, their, and they're.  Sheesh.

8.  Common sense.
I think everyone thinks they have some but sadly a lot of people do not.  Educate yourself.  Know basic things like the difference between a credit and debit card and why the government shut down is a big deal and how to respond to people in everyday situations.  Don't be stupid.

9.  The ability to drive stick shift.
It's easier to learn when you're young, and it impresses guys I think.  Just learn how.

10.  Big girl panties.
I don't mean literal ones.  (*side note, please learn what 'literal' means).  I mean, have the ability to pull yourself together and be an adult.  Crap happens.  Bad days come.  People are going to be mean to you.  You can't avoid life and its responsibilities.  Put on your big girl panties and deal with it.  The more often you do this, the easier it becomes.

11.  The ability to set relational boundaries.
Oh girls, learn this as early as you can.  You need to know when people are walking all over you, and when you are enabling people instead of truly helping them.  Do not tolerate bad behavior and adults who put their issues on you.  Learn to establish boundaries with your friends, your family, everyone!  Other people's issues are not your issues.  Don't let them suck you in.  Set boundaries.  You may lose some relationships this way, but you know what, those relationships are toxic to you.  Stand up for yourself.  Learn how to have healthy relationships.  Often this involves gleaning wisdom from someone who's had to do this.  Find that person.

12.  A good bra.
Basic I know, but really, I see so many women with ones that aren't doing a whole heck of a lot.  Take care of your girls.  Buy a good bra.  Wear it for pete's sake.  No one wants to see your naughty bits.  Ok, maybe a few people do but mainstream society does not.

13. A classic, go-to, all season, "I am going to a wedding" dress.
'Cause if you haven't started going to weddings all the time, you're going to.  And those silly ideas magazines list as good 'attending a wedding' dresses are stupid unless you are a Rockefeller and attend formal black tie weddings all the time.  Who has that many rich friends?  Find something classy and cute that can be worn with sandals in summer and with heels and a cardigan when it turns chilly.

14. The ability to take criticism.
Guess what?  You're not perfect.  You have issues and flaws and things that you do that annoy people.  You need work.  So do I.  Can you handle it when someone close to you brings up some part of yourself that is less than wonderful? You need to be able to handle criticism and not just at your job.  Can you handle conflicts with roommates and can friends point weaknesses out in love? When people point out stuff about you do you get defensive?  Break down?  Defriend them on facebook?  Walk out of the room?  Hate them? It amazes me how many young women I know that act like that with their girlfriends and lament being single. Let me tell you ladies, if you can't handle conflict with your girlfriends, you are not ready for marriage.  'Cause that type of behavior aint gonna cut it.

15.  Satisfaction in Christ alone-not a husband or kids or career or whatever.
Here's a newsflash:  Marriage will not satisfy you.

Neither will a baby.

Or another baby.

Or (insert what you think will satisfy you or make you happy here).  The ONLY thing that satisfies and completes you is Christ.  This is the defining title of your life.  Not wife, or mom, or CEO, or world traveler.  If you are looking for a man or a child to bring you a sense of fulfillment and completion, shame on you.  Especially if it's a child--you are ruining them.  Stop it.  You have worth because of who you are in Christ.  Period, paragraph, end of story.  Stop trying to edit that one.

16.  The ability to manage time.
You can't do it all.  True.  But don't be that person that says they can't balance their checkbook or workout or invest in relationships yet has time to spend hours on Pinterest all week.  You do have time to workout.  You do have time to run to the store and cook dinner.  You do have time to call a friend.  Get up earlier.  Stop wasting time.  Call your friend on a lunch break.  Don't be a 30 something that can't get herself together and out of the door on time.

17.  A little perspective.
You are not the center of the world and there are lots of people who have it way way worse than you; stop complaining.  Everyone has a bad day; everyone needs to vent.  But dear heavens, don't do it all the time.  Be able to recognize that there is someone more lonely/tired/poor/stressed/etc than you.  Your problems cannot ooze into every part of life and everyone around you.

18. The ability to separate your hormones/bad day/fat day/whatever from what is actually happening.
I was a human development major in college and one of the things we talked about in my Gender Roles class was that men are like waffles (they compartmentalize everything) and women are like spaghetti, meaning that everything in life touches everything else.  You feel fat in your jeans so you bark at your kids or snap at the lady behind the cash register.  Some guy tells you you're cute so you're super sweet and love life.  See what I mean?  Learn to be a waffle.  You won't always succeed at this but you need to discern what is really an issue, and what is just your hormones or bad day or whatever.  This is especially key in marriage and other relationships.  Are you mad at what someone said because of what they said or because of how it made you feel because you're already feeling mad/depressed/upset/whatever?

19. An understanding of the bible (if you're reading fiction more than this, you have a problem).
If you're going to people asking advice or wisdom and yet not reading the Bible or not doing what's in there, well, that's stupid.  Stop it.  Say you're in a mess because you lied to your friend and want to know what to do.  Here's a hint -God has already told us. And don't depend on Beth Moore or someone else to read God's word for you.  Read it, learn it, know it.  It is everything!

20.  Equality with men.
Here's what I mean by that:  The standards you put on guys in regards to moral character and honor, etc?  You need to apply those to yourself as well.

Think it's ok to read "50 shades of Grey" but get pissed when your guy wants to watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion show?  That's a double standard ladies.

Want to go see Magic Mike but would be appalled if your husband and his friends went and saw a movie about a hot female stripper with big boobs?  Ah, there it is again.

I'm not saying you or any man in your life should want any of those things.  But, I get really irritated at girls in the church who have these crazy ideas for purity and honor in a guy but then go read books they shouldn't and watch movies they shouldn't.  What the crap ladies?  You won't consider dating a guy who once had a subscription to Sports Illustrated just for the swimsuit edition but you watch Sex and the City and that's perfectly all right?  I am all for the pursuit of purity but if you can't see the sin in your own life because it looks like a fun chick night and not like straight up porn, that's not ok.

The Bible tells us what to pursue and fill ourselves with, and it's not filth of either variety.  And if you indulge in crap like that but hold your husband or boyfriend to a different standard, well, you're being a jerk.  Stop it.


  1. I loved this post!!

    #2-Amen. I don't know if people know how poorly they come across when they gon on rants and tirades on Facebook and Twitter. Also, many a fake sick-calls have come to light as a result of Facebook. Be smart.

    #5: You are my #5. Everyone needs one.

    #6: I think that in a bind, I could pull off a real meal. Still have some work to do in this category.

    #11 & #16: I think these two are inter-related. If you have issues with one, you tend to have issues with the other.

    Thanks for the must-haves!


    1. Love you! I'll send you my recipe for crockpot ham! It's fancy but so easy ;)