Wednesday, October 16, 2013

20 things every 30 something guy should have

So, I wrote my own version of things I think every 30 something girl should have.  I decided to be fair and write one for guys too.  The list on buzzfeed for 40 things a guy should own is ridiculous.  I think it was written by this man:

Sorry but I do not agree that every "self respecting" guy should own bar ware and a black suit.  I do however, think that every self respecting 30 something guy should have the following:

1. A job.
I'm not saying you have to be CEO, and I understand that with the economy some people have lost their jobs and are doing jobs they wouldn't otherwise do but have to get by.  That's fine.  Admirable.  You need a job.  One that can provide for you, and a wife and kids if you have or want them.  Be working. And don't whine that you have to work when you're at work.  Don't be a lazy wuss.

2.  A savings account.
The era of spending all of your money on the latest video game system and new toys is over.  Save your money.  Think about your future.  Save for a house, for retirement, for an engagement ring, for that cruise you want to take.  Be wise with your money and know where it's going.

3.  A place of your own.
It's fine if you have roommates and rent a place.  And sometimes circumstances force you to move back home for a while. But don't get comfortable in your mom's basement.  Be independent and self sufficient.  Do what you have to to be a man.

4.  A plan.
I'm not saying you have to have it all figured out, but know what you want and how you're going to get there.  Want to own your own business?  Buy a house?  Be debt free?  Retire wealthy?  HOW ARE YOU GOING TO DO IT?  Boys with dreams but no plan are attractive until they reach the age of about 16.  Don't just amble through life.  Attack it.  Do what's necessary.  Be able to get from point A to point B.

5.  Tools and the knowledge to use them.
I saw a post on FB the other day where a woman was looking to hire someone to install a towel bar.  Are you kidding?  You don't have to be a carpenter, but don't be the type of husband or boyfriend whose significant other has to hire somebody to install a towel bar.  There are people who have taught themselves things like this from a book.  And you have google and youtube for goodness sakes.

6.  The ability to have a conversation with just about anyone.
Goodness sake boys, learn how to talk to people.  And realize that even if you don't have a hard time talking to people, maybe they have a hard time talking to you.  Are you defensive all the time?  Do you have to be right all of the time?  Ask a trusted friend (preferably a girl) what you can do to be a better conversationalist and listener.  Learn social skills.  Don't fall back on "that's just how I am". Often that is an excuse for sinful selfish behavior.  Are you someone who says that?  You are probably single.  You have to be willing to work on yourself and be better at things.

7.  A healthy respect for women.
This involves more than politeness.  I'm not talking about opening a door for a woman or letting her go first (though those are great, and yes, please do them).  I am talking about how you define and place worth on a woman. Is it based on her looks?  Is it based on her ability to validate you and make you feel more like a man?  Let me tell you something, women are not here to define you nor satisfy you.  Don't look to us to make you feel more like a man.  We are humans, not ego-boosters.

8.  A lack of fear around children including babies.
Kids don't bite (most of them anyways).  And it takes an awful lot of effort to break a baby.  Don't be skittish around little people.  Talk to your friend's kids.  Offer to hold your friend's baby.  They are actually kindof fun.  And it's good training.  You don't want to be that dad that is scared to death of his own kid someday.  Oh, and there are few things more attractive to a woman than a guy who is comfortable around kids.  Forget cologne and red roses.  Coo at a baby and we will practically elope with you on the spot.

9.  The ability to articulate why you believe or support certain things.
Think Obamacare is stupid or that UT should be ranked in basketball this year or that Angelina Jolie is hot (something I will never get)?  Be able to articulate why.  You should be able to defend your beliefs about everything in a way that doesn't involve yelling or falling back on what someone else said.  Guys who have heated opinions but cannot, in a logical and reasonable manner, defend them are stupid.  Guess what?  You come across as a jerk.  Congratulations on annoying everyone around you.

10.  Pants that don't fall down to your knees.
If there is enough room in the crotch area of your pants to keep a small dog or a midget, you're not fooling anybody and you look ridiculous.  Have some self respect and some pants that fit.

11.  Trashcans with trash bags in them in your bathroom.
I cannot tell you how many guy's apartments I've been to that did not have this.  If this is you, your mother has done a poor job raising you.  I don't want to get too graphic but if you want to have girls hang out at your place, you need these in your bathroom for reasons that should be obvious.

12.  Someone that can give wisdom and accountability.
Not someone who is going to agree with you and support you all the time.  Someone who is mature and honest and the type of man you want to be.  Find this person.  Hang out with him.  Learn from him.  Similarly, you should be passing on what you know to someone who isn't as far down the road as you.

13.  The ability and practice of being a mature fan.
Love your team.  Be a fan.  Get fired up.  Dress in whatever color from head to toe.  Fine.  But don't be that jerk that gets so upset about a loss that it affects your day or how you treat people.  Get over it.  If you're the type of guy that sulks after a loss or rants on social media or let's off a string of expletives over a game, you are an immature idiot and I pity the woman who ended up with you.

14.  A sense of humor that doesn't involve putting others down.
Pretty self explanatory.  If making fun of others (even vague generic groups of people who aren't present) is the only way you can make a joke, you are not funny.  Stop trying.

15.  A gym membership or a decent way of exercising.
The fact that you played whatever sport in high school and every now and then participate in a pick up game of bball with your buddies means nothing.  You need to exercise.  Consistently.  It makes you feel better and helps you sleep and keeps you from becoming a fat, lazy mess.

16.  The ability to cook actual meals and not frozen pizza or canned beef stew.
Learn how to cook real food. It doesn't have to be fancy.  Learn how to grill. FYI, food from a grill should not be charred black.  If you have trouble with this, please get my husband to come teach you how to do it.

17. A servant's heart.
Help people.  Do what needs to be done for others and don't be selfish.  Volunteer at your church.  Give up part of your weekend for someone else.  Someone is moving?  Go help, and for the love of all that is manly don't carry one bookshelf and then be done.

18.  Manners.
Say please and thank you.  Don't belch at the table.  If you fart in front of a girl you better know it's ok to do it.  Hold the door open for little old ladies.  Be polite.

19.  Big boy undies.
As a man you have been entrusted by God to be the head of your family; to carry the full weight of ugliness and crap and horrible horrible things that will come.  Deal with it.  Don't be a wimp or a wuss.  Don't look for the easy way out.  Pull yourself up by the bootstraps and do the hard things.  Make the hard decisions.  If your behavior isn't manly at this point in life, you are getting in late in the game.

20.  A solid relationship with Jesus
You cannot make it in life without him (and you will crap your big boy undies without him).  And just because you "know him" doesn't mean you're close to him or have anything in common with him.  I know Lane Kiffin.  Doesn't mean I'm going to write the guy's biography.  Seek Jesus.  Do what the Bible says.  This is what will make you a man.

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