Tuesday, July 22, 2014

A little change of routine

Geez, long time no update.

How is it nearly August already?? I hate it when summer starts to end. It makes me all jittery and nervous and I get this primal urge to call in sick to work so that I can go drink icees and run through sun lit fields all day. And I almost do it but then remember that I have bills to pay and we need groceries and are there really any sun lit fields around here to run around in?  Not really. So I go to work and vow to lay out and tan and drink icees this weekend because I'm an adult and that will have to do gosh darnit.

We went on vacation to Central NY last week to visit my husband's family. It was a good trip. Not nearly long enough. And now we're back to normal life.

Vacation was good for me. Not just because it was a chance to get away and see friends and family, etc etc. But because the change in routine did me some good.

I am such a creature of routine. I love schedules. I crave organization.

Control really. That's what my vice is. I want to be in control. Of everything. All the time. As you can guess, that doesn't bode well for me most of the time.

Life is mostly outside of my control, and having a week away from normal was a good reminder that I need to chill out more and stop getting so fixed in my ways. Routine is good but I let it control me. I hate things that steer me away from how I want my day to go. Even little things, like needing to stop for gas or go get milk work me into a fit. Isn't that ridiculous? I swear, I am a perpetual toddler. I have fits over the tiniest things. It's not a big deal. Really, it's not. So many things that I get upset about are teeny, tiny, little things.

Being on vacation and out of my normal routine was good for me. It reminded me of how little the little things are. Just tiny inconveniences. Smidges of interruption. Mini disruptors of what I want.

Gosh, I am a selfish person. I struggle a lot with anger because I want what I want when I want it (really, I'm a toddler in an adult's body.) Sometimes I think God shakes me loose of my routine just to give me some perspective, both on how inconsequential the little things I get upset about are, and to show me what a grand sinner in need of grace I am.

I came back resolved not to get upset about things so much. To have unruffled feathers. I also know that this won't happen. I will try, and struggle, and forget to try, and need Jesus every step of every day. Which I guess is the point. My sin takes me to him. And while I'd love to freakin eradicate it from my life, I suppose I won't be separated from my sin completely until Jesus calls me home. Then finally I will stop freaking out. And stopping for gas or milk in heaven won't be a big deal. Until then, I'll try my best to not get all worked up; to go with the flow and no matter what happens, to go to Jesus.

I stopped for gas today and didn't get all worked up. There is hope in Jesus :)

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