Tuesday, January 6, 2015

So, it's a new year

2015.

Man, it feels so futuristic to say it, right? TWENTY FIFTEEN. I like it though. I like things that are divisible by 5. They seem neater.

*Side note: What's up with God liking 7?
7 is uneven!
7 cannot be divided in two!
7 is not tidy!

Clearly, God is not as type A or psychotic as me.

I always get excited about a new year. About possibility. I've always been a dreamer and an idea person. And a task oriented person, which means most of the time I am exhausted trying to do and experience all that I come up with. (See, this is why writing fiction is perfect for me. Right now I am living out 5 or 6 storylines in my head. It's like a version of split personality disorder that does not involve medication)

I have been writing lists of projects and goals, and crazy things I'd like to see happen this year. Most of which I cannot accomplish one tiny bit without Jesus.

I've never had a word for a new year, but have decided that 2015's word is AUDACIOUS. "Faith is the audacity to believe that God's promises apply to you." This is the backdrop for my year.

I was journaling the other day about all the dreams, etc on my lists, and I told God that more than anything this year I want to deeply know and rest in His person.

Not what he does.
Or can do.
Or will do.

I do not want to know and depend on God's activity or response. I cannot rest in that, because it's often not there in the way I want.

But what I can rest in, is Him. Who He is. Not what He does.

More than anything, this is what I want. Life swirls and twirls like a raging river some times, but the one thing that stays constant is the boat I'm in. I don't know why most of the time I whine to my raft guide that I would like a change of scenery and that I'm scared and worried. To which he rolls his eyes, smacks my head with his oar, and says "Geesh woman, get to know this boat you're on. It's a rock solid cruise ship full of safety and good things, but you treat it like an inflatable raft and you're driving me nutso!"

(Jesus totally talks like this to me. God is a little more fatherly and tender. Jesus is my brother and knows what's up, so when I'm praying and get a verbal bonk on the head in return, I know it's Jesus. Evidently I am such a delight to talk to via prayer that God and Jesus have to divide me out because I am telling you, I pretty much exist in a constant state of emotional distress.)

Anywho, what was I saying? Ah, yes, resting in His person. A new year. With new dreams and new hopes and a longing to discover more of God above all else.

I read a wonderful post by Jen Hatmaker where she talked about doing things that 'keep your insides calm'. Yes, I need more of that, too. Which (ironically enough) means that I need less. I need to streamline. Declutter. Keep a routine. Eliminate some ok and good for what is really worth it to me.

So here's to 2015 and some audacity in your dreams and hopes. And to God, who puts up with us and is so pleased to do whatever it takes to get us to him. Including some rough waters, just so we hunker down in that boat all the more.

I don't know where he's doing this year. But I know he'll take me with him.


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